Hospice

So I have had many people ask….why I'm volunteering with hospice?  I could answer…. to be busy because Jill likes to be busy.  But I have thought about it and it goes deeper than being busy.  Hospice may seem like a sad time to many however why must we label it as an ending?  I would rather view it like a time to reflect on life.  All too often we rush through our days not stopping to enjoy the present moment or reflect. 

I have to share an exercise we did at our training session that has really stuck with me.  We were asked to write on 12 pieces of paper our 3 most valuable traits, our 3 most important people in our lives, 3 favorite possessions, and 3 of our favorite hobbies.  Next the leader told us we had one year to live…as our health was declining we needed to focus our attention / energy since we didn't have much time. We were asked to tear up 3 pieces of paper.  I didn't want to do it…I didn't know how I could choose.  I already had a hard time coming up with only 12 things.  Next the leader said our health was rapidly declining…..we were told to again tear up 3 more pieces of paper.   Once again…how was I to choose?  We were faced with another decline in health…..3 more pieces to tear up.  We were told we only had 1 month to live…tear up one piece of paper.   Two weeks pass and we were that much closer.  Our leader had us turn our pieces of paper over so we couldn't see them.  We were told to pick one and tear it up.  We were now down to the final day…..with this final paper….was it what we wanted out of life?  Was it who we wanted to be with or who we wanted to be?  This exercise raised so many questions.  Why do we need to wait until our final year to discover what is truly important to us?  Why do we worry about such frivolous things? When it comes down to it….it could be all over tomorrow. 

Everyone has a wish.  Yours might not be apparent today or tomorrow.  Maybe your wish will become apparent in your final year of life.   There is something special to be said about making those wishes come true.  There was a hospice patient who was a farmer.  He knew he didn't have long to live.  His final wish was to go back to his family farm and hold the dirt in his hand.  A hospice volunteer made it happen for him.  He sat there in his wheelchair over looking his corn fields with the dirt flowing through his fingers and a smile on his face.  It was the next day he passed away.  That could've been my father….i unfortunately couldn't be there in his final days.  My brother had hospice care before he passed away.  How awesome would it have been if someone could've done something like that for him.   

I 'm hoping I can handle this endeavor as a hospice volunteer.  My guess is it will be a real eye opener.  So much of my schooling to become a PA was on the science…black and white.  I'm ready to truly connect, expand to the unknown….filled with emotion, gratefulness, grief, loss, or maybe celebration of life.   I'm beginning to fully understand what was written on my brother's toomstone…."in dying he taught us how to live".